Winston Wolf - Harvey Keitel - Pulp Fiction

Why I Left Facebook

While I was doing dishes this morning I started thinking about the scene in Pulp Fiction where they are cleaning brains from the car. I thought about the man who specialized in cleaning up tough problems. Who was this man? I can’t remember his name but I do remember he is played by Harvey Keitel. And Harvey is why I wanted that man as my friend, too (not just because he specializes in cleaning up tough problems). I always imagined that any good, memorable film role was played by a well-loved actor or actress. Every time that star came around to play a new role, we felt like we were watching a friend do something great. We would cheer for them as if they were our friend from the block, even if in reality — without that loving lens — they simply sucked in the role. I think that is why we can watch people like Harvey Keitel play essentially the same role over and over again. Because he is our friend (or we really, really, really wish he was). Only our friends get THAT famous.

So that got me wondering… how many friends would Harvey Keitel have on his Facebook?

Well, first of all, which Facebook? His fan site, or his (is this possible) private, personal Facebook where he really only friends people he likes, and people who he likes likes and people who he likes likes likes and… wait a second! Once someone has as many friends as Harvey Keitel would inevitably have… they’re pretty much famous. That’s right, collecting Facebook friends and acquaintances and fans and Indonesians is like… becoming famous!

But really, let’s go back to the idea of Harvey Keitel just having an inner sanctum Facebook account. Does he? Of course you would like to think he does, because you think he’s so cool and he cleans brains off cars or at least tells people to and they listen to him. But I seriously doubt it. How long would an inner sanctum Harvey Keitel Facebook account last before a gazillion friend requests and TMZ made him forget not to drink tequila with his Paxil?

So how many friends does Harvey Keitel have? The kind of friends that if he *did* give a link to his Facebook account, wouldn’t run to TMZ or at least tell their mom and a couple friends? Have you ever tried to tell a friend not to share a link to your Facebook account, and not tell their mom about it? I didn’t think so. Having that many friends is really freakin’ complicated. Especially when barely any of them are the kind of friends that… aren’t friends.

What is it like up there, Harvey? Pretty shitty, right?

That’s why I got off Facebook. I was scared of having too many “friends.” Because clearly, the more friends you have, the lonelier it gets.


Shocking but since I quit Facebook in February (taking my business Little Package along with) I haven’t missed my friends too much. They still call and write to me, and I still see them frequently. As long as they don’t do something as stupid as only advertise their event on Facebook and nowhere else, I’ll be there if I can.

The bottom line is, if something is really important, I trust that it will exist apart from Facebook.